i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
