I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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