Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
