I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
