are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
