I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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