Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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