even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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