he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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