I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize