I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm at about main and main street
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
