Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
