It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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