at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
