Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
