i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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