I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
