party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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