just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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