I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
