You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
