Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
