Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
