I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
