You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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