Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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