I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ugly people sure do ruin things
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
