It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
