I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
