I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
