my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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