I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
