so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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