imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You took a bar mat shot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
