Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
