I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
