I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
