I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can't motorboat a personality
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there is glitter all over my balls
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