yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
