I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
