Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
