i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
