I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
