life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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