is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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