I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
