i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
