in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Less talking, more tequila
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
