And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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