Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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