I must be too annoying 4 u.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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