feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk walkin through police station. America
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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