We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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