If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
