I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
