So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
