You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
