Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
