Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
