i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
