i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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