never play flip cup with pint glasses
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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