I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize