Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
