Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
