You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
