I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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