My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
