.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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