Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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