I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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