I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
