Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
