"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
