Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize