There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
