My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
