I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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