All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
