well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
