your thong is hanging out like whoa
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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