and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
