He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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