ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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