Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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