Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
